Announcer: Today on Maybe God, after years of following one of our favorite Instagram accounts that shares incredible stories of God moving in people's lives, we reached out to get to know the heart and mind of the person who created it. That's when we met Adira Polite, a young African-American seminary student. As gifted as she is at sharing other people's stories, Adira has for years been remarkably silent when it comes to sharing her own. And the more we got to know her, the more convinced we became that it was time for this great storyteller to talk about all the ways God has, and continues to, move in her life.
Eric Huffman:
So, Adira, you are the founder and curator of an Instagram channel, but it's more than just that. It's becoming a media force. It's called, Then God Moved. Tell us a little bit about that effort and how it got started and how successful you've been in terms of reach-
Adira Polite:
Sure.
Eric Huffman:
... up to this point.
Adira Polite:
I started Then God Moved in 2019. I was reading Humans of New York. Are you familiar?
Eric Huffman:
Yeah, of course.
Adira Polite:
I remember there was a story, it was just on Instagram, a little snippet of this man who was in New York. He left his former home, because his roommate, he said was possessed. And he explained it in that exact language. And I remember being so shocked by that, that it was on this platform. I was like, "Wow. I'm surprised they're talking about a spiritual reality on Humans of New York." And I remember thinking, if there was a Christian version of this, it would be so impactful.
Eric Huffman:
Right.
Adira Polite:
And I was working as a paralegal at this point. So, I'm doing death penalty appeals. I'm right out of college. And I decide, "You know what? I'm going to do it." So, I just start the Instagram. And what's so crazy is God named it. I wanted to call it God Stories, which is so basic.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah. A little bit.
Adira Polite:
And I tried to get that domain. I tried for godstories.com. It belonged to this woman who was writing about bugs. I don't know.
Eric Huffman:
That's random.
Adira Polite:
Yep.
And I couldn't get that domain. And I was sitting in my office, and I was like, "What else am I going to call it?" And I remember, from the back of my head, "Then God moved." And I was like-
Eric Huffman:
Wow.
Adira Polite:
... "God, that's good. I'll take that." And so that's what I called it. And it started off with me just interviewing friends, putting their stories on the platform. And it grew pretty fast. And suddenly, I start getting messages from strangers saying, "Hey, I have a story like that. Can I share? I have a story like that. Oh, my friend has a story like that."
Eric Huffman:
Total Strangers.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
Wow.
Adira Polite:
And it starts to grow. And we're now at 25,000 followers-
Eric Huffman:
On Instagram.
Adira Polite:
... on Instagram.
Eric Huffman:
Congratulations on a vision fulfilled. I know it's still in progress. You probably feel like you're just getting started with it.
Adira Polite:
I do.
Eric Huffman:
I know what that's like. But there's nothing more beautiful and satisfying in the world than when an idea becomes reality. I think it's like how God invites us and gives us agency to be co-creators with him, to bring something from nothing. It's the coolest thing.
Adira Polite:
It is cool.
Eric Huffman:
So, congratulations on that.
Adira Polite:
Thank you.
Eric Huffman:
That's really awesome.
Tell us a little bit about yourself, just where you grew up and what your upbringing was like.
Adira Polite:
Yeah, sure.
I'm from Memphis, Tennessee.
Eric Huffman:
All right.
Adira Polite:
Born and raised. I grew up with a single mother. My parents were divorced very soon after I was born. My dad cheated on my mom. That's why she left him. And so, I always knew that. And I think that from a young age that framed how I thought about men. I was like, "Men aren't to be trusted." That was helped by the fact that I went to an all-girls school for 15 years.
Growing up in Memphis, predominantly Black city, but going to a predominantly White school, full of mostly wealthy students. I was not one of those wealthy students. And so, there was definitely a feeling of being an outsider for a lot of my youth.
Eric Huffman:
What led to you going to that school?
Adira Polite:
It was the best school in Memphis, and-
Eric Huffman:
She made it happen.
Adira Polite:
Yeah. I have, what is it called, the gifted child syndrome, where my mom, from a young age was like, "You're special," and so, sent me to the best school in Memphis. And that's just where I stayed.
Eric Huffman:
Wow. She sounds like she's pretty awesome.
Adira Polite:
She's amazing.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
I have the best mom in the world.
Eric Huffman:
Wow.
Adira Polite:
I really do.
Eric Huffman:
I hope she hears that.
Adira Polite:
She will hear it. She will definitely listen to this.
Eric Huffman:
Okay. Yeah.
Did you stay in touch with your dad?
Adira Polite:
Slightly. He lived in South Carolina. I grew up in Memphis. We would visit him periodically. I have maybe five memories of him.
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
He passed away when I was in sixth grade. And honestly, I remember when he died feeling like it didn't impact me, at least at that point, because we didn't have a close relationship.
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
It took me a while to even realize that that had wounded me.
Eric Huffman:
Really?
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
Did you go to the funeral, or anything like that?
Adira Polite:
Went to the funeral. One of the core memories is them asking me to close the casket.
Eric Huffman:
Oh, my gosh.
Adira Polite:
It was super weird. And I was 12, 13 closing this casket. And I think that was the first time I cried for him, was in that moment. And I think it was just this mixture of sadness and just confusion. I was like-
Eric Huffman:
It's an extremely horrifying experience, even if you don't know the person whose casket you're closing.
Adira Polite:
Totally. Totally.
Eric Huffman:
Why do we make people do that?
Adira Polite:
I don't know.
Eric Huffman:
That is a weird tradition.
Adira Polite:
It is. It is. I think my family thought they were honoring me by giving me that responsibility, but it was a weird burden.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah. For sure.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
You say that that moment at the funeral for your father was one of the few times you felt this grief for him. How did that whole experience of not really having him in your life, and then losing him, seemingly forever, how did that affect you as a young girl, a young woman coming of age?
Adira Polite:
I think it honestly just affirmed what I already believed about men, was just that they were not reliable.
Eric Huffman:
Wow. So, him going away in this way was just one more...
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
Wow.
Adira Polite:
And honestly, I think I was very much like, "I have my mom. I'm fine."
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
And my mom's amazing. But it took meeting Christ. It took me being 21 before I realized, "No. I have a wound. And it's okay to admit that not having a father growing up wounded me."
Eric Huffman:
Wow.
Adira Polite:
Because I had had a great childhood.
Eric Huffman:
Sure.
Adira Polite:
I have great memories of my childhood. I always had what I needed. But that doesn't mean that I wasn't hurt.
Eric Huffman:
In terms of your development, you said this affected you in a lot of ways growing up, this reality of being raised the way that you were in those circumstances, and going to the girls' school and things like that. Just talk a little bit more about how you, in retrospect, see that development happening and how that impacted you growing up.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
I was raised in the Disciples of Christ Church, so there was this foundation of faith that I had, but I never grasped the gospel. It never made sense to me. I was like, "Okay. Jesus died for our sins. I don't really know what that means." I'm wondering now how much that inability to grasp the gospel had to do with me thinking men weren't reliable. Because it's like God, the Father, we're talking about. And then, we're talking about this man named Jesus who saved us. The idea of a man saving me, I think, didn't make any sense.
Eric Huffman:
Right.
Adira Polite:
But in third grade, and I think this is the first major trauma, was third grade. My mother went out of town. So, I'm staying at a family friend's house for two nights. And essentially, the niece of my mom's friend was a buddy of mine. We would hang out. And she lived in the guest house of the home where I was staying. And she would stay in the main house with me whenever I would stay over. And this one time she was pressuring me to essentially experiment sexually with her.
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
We're eight, nine.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah. Both of you.
Adira Polite:
Both of us.
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
She was one year younger than me. And I remember I was so, "I don't want to do this." But also there was just this massive pressure. And we did it.
And there was so much confusion after that. I remember joking about it for years after. I would joke like, "Oh, yeah. My first kiss was when I was in third grade, like a badge of honor." But eventually, it became like, "Yeah. I'm cool-
Eric Huffman:
Sure.
Adira Polite:
... and my first kiss was in third grade." But there was this deep, I don't know what that opened. I don't know what that opened. God has, and is still, dealing with it. But that is the first trauma. I didn't recognize it as trauma until years later. But that was then followed up, I guess two years later, I was in fifth grade, and had this massive crush on my friend, Sam.
Eric Huffman:
Sam.
Adira Polite:
Sam is a boy.
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
Have a massive crush on my friend, Sam. He's a childhood friend. We've been friends since I was two or so.
Puberty's happening, and this is my first big crush. And he tells his best friend, who then tells other people, that he likes me back. I am talking about him at my school. I have a big mouth. So, I'm telling around that I like Sam. And it gets back to Sam. Sam tells his friend that he likes me, too. That gets around. And then, he freaks out, and he tells everyone that actually he likes this girl named Eva Cates, who is this White blonde girl. And that is huge, that's huge in my life, that rejection that I felt.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
And, again, I think it affirmed what I was feeling at school, which was, "I don't fit in here. I am different." And I think that the deeper lie that came from that was that I'm not a girl enough. I'm not feminine enough. I am not valued by men. And that mixed with this sexual trauma, there was this deep gender and sexual confusion, where I'm just like, "Who am I?"
Eric Huffman:
And it really makes you wonder about your cousin, and where she learned to initiate, is their family pattern. You see that a lot.
Adira Polite:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric Huffman:
She learned it from somewhere.
Adira Polite:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're not relatives, but-
Eric Huffman:
Oh. I'm sorry. I thought you said you were.
Adira Polite:
No, it's just a family friend.
Eric Huffman:
A family friend.
Adira Polite:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I thought about that a lot, actually, because there was a whole forgiveness event with her where I gave it to God and was honestly heartbroken for her, realizing someone along the way was abused by an adult.
Eric Huffman:
That's right.
Adira Polite:
And actually, I remember her telling me that she'd learned this from a friend at school.
Eric Huffman:
Really?
Adira Polite:
So, it's like that friend at school perhaps was being abused. Who knows where this came out-
Eric Huffman:
It doesn't come from nowhere.
Adira Polite:
Yeah. What we were doing was not appropriate for that age.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah. Gosh. Okay.
So, what grade were you with Sam? In-
Adira Polite:
Fifth grade?
Eric Huffman:
The fifth grade.
Adira Polite:
Fifth grade.
Eric Huffman:
And that rejection from him, and the manner in which it happened, especially was deeply hurtful.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
And one more affirmation of this trajectory that you were on in life. So then, what was middle school and high school like?
Adira Polite:
I remember the first time I had a crush on a girl. It was my best friend in middle school. And she was struggling with her sexuality, too. She told me that. And I think it just resonated. It started to snowball into this thing where we would talk about that. And we're 13. But I remember she, at some point, told our other friends that I had a crush on her. And that became a whole social nightmare. People talking about it and whatnot, which essentially created this descent into suicidal thoughts. That was made worse by my grandmother's death. My mom's mom, Nana.
Eric Huffman:
Around the same time.
Adira Polite:
Yes.
Eric Huffman:
Geez.
Adira Polite:
She died, and that just broke me, because I had a very close relationship with my grandmother, and she was someone I just always felt I could be myself with. She would treat me very much like an adult. She would talk to me about real things. I was able to be very honest about what I was feeling. And I think also, because I didn't have a dad, my grandmother filled in that role of the second parent.
Eric Huffman:
Sure, sure.
Adira Polite:
And so, when she was gone, I remember just feeling so hopeless.
Eric Huffman:
She was gone, and your best friend was gone.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
Betrayed you.
Adira Polite:
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
Was there anyone you could talk to about the feelings you were having, both the attraction to girls and to the suicidal thoughts, more importantly?
Adira Polite:
Not that I can remember. And, of course, I'm not talking to God, at all. There's no prayer. No.
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
Was there ever prayer, and it fell away? Or was there never really a relationship there?
Adira Polite:
Actually, yes. I remember I would pray for my grandmother. I would always pray that God would let her live to 100. That was the number.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
And I think, when she died, I was like, "Yeah. You're not listening. Okay, bye."
Eric Huffman:
Wow.
Adira Polite:
I would never talk to God about the attraction to girls. I never talked to God about the suicidal thoughts.
In seventh grade, I actually attempted suicide and-
Eric Huffman:
How?`
Adira Polite:
Pills. Took a bunch of my mom's pills. I still, to this day, don't even know what I took. But I took a bunch of pills, and then I laid down on my bed. I always have to try not to laugh when I tell the story, because I know it's inappropriate to laugh, but it's just the absurdity of the scene.
Eric Huffman:
Right.
Adira Polite:
I'm 14, and I remember I crossed my arms over my chest like I was in a casket, and just waited.
And then, of course, just end up getting up and vomiting everywhere. And then, it's over. And I just go to sleep and wake up the next day like it never happened.
Eric Huffman:
Wait. No one ever knew?
Adira Polite:
No one ever knew.
Eric Huffman:
Wow.
Adira Polite:
And I never tried it again. It was just this moment of desperation. And then, by God's grace, I didn't die.
Eric Huffman:
Wow.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
You weren't attributing that to God, at that point.
Adira Polite:
Not at all. Not at all.
Eric Huffman:
You were just like, "Well. Can't even do that right."
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
It's like a further deeper depression.
Adira Polite:
Mm-hmm.
Eric Huffman:
How long did that go on?
Adira Polite:
I believe eighth grade I went to a Christian summer camp. It's called The Edge. And it was in the mountains of Tennessee. And I remember having an encounter with God while I was there. And I still am struggling with my sexuality, still struggling with bad theology, also, around sexuality. In my mind, I think, "I have to somehow choose between these desires and God," that's what it came down to in my head.
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
Why? Is that the message you had received?
Adira Polite:
I think so. I think at my school, the gossiping and everything that was going on about my sexuality from professing Christians made me think, "Okay. I either have to let go of these thoughts," and by that I mean not have them-
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
... or be a Christian. It was one or the other. And so, I'm at this camp, and I have this very vivid encounter with the Lord. And I, after that camp was like, "Okay. I'm straight." That's why I told myself.
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
I was like, "We're straight. We don't like girls. We love Jesus."
Eric Huffman:
Right. You were trying.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
You were trying.
Adira Polite:
Yes.
Eric Huffman:
It's not quite that easy, sometimes.
Adira Polite:
Not that easy. And very quickly, I was like, "No. I still have these feelings." And I was like, "Okay. Christians just aren't for me."
Eric Huffman:
Yeah. I don't know how, if those are the choices, and you're an hormonal teenager especially, but any age really, but especially at that age, I don't know what other conclusion you can come to when you're getting these two very binary messages from the Church. And then you're also probably getting some messages from the world about how everything's cool.
Adira Polite:
Yeah. Not like-
Eric Huffman:
"You do you."
Adira Polite:
That came very soon after.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
It's true. It's like these two polar things, where either it's godless and you can do whatever your flesh wants, and we can celebrate that. Or you're with God and you just ignore what's going on in the flesh. And missing from that is, Christ coming in the flesh-
Eric Huffman:
Right.
Adira Polite:
... to crucify it, giving us freedom and the power to choose him over our flesh. But that was not there.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
So, throughout your later teenage years, this sort of continued in an unbridled way, these relationships with women. I don't want to speak for you, but that seems to be what happened next.
Adira Polite:
I, in high school, decide, "Okay. I'm queer. That was the word I always used."
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
It was either bisexual or queer. I really liked the word, queer.
Eric Huffman:
Bisexual would be because you still felt attraction to men, too.
Adira Polite:
Yes.
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
What I used to say was, "I'm sexually attracted to men, but I'm emotionally attracted to women." That's what I always said. Because I knew deep down, I was like, "I just don't trust men."
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
I'm attracted to them.
Eric Huffman:
Women were safer.
Adira Polite:
Exactly.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
Women were always safer.
I get a girlfriend in high school, and that's really when I was done with Christians. Because the judgment around that was extreme.
Eric Huffman:
Was it a Christian school? You said private? Was it Christian?
Adira Polite:
Private Christian school.
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
And when I got a girlfriend who also went to our school, there was so much gossiping, professing Christians saying all sorts of stuff. So I was like, "All right. I'm done." Graduate. I moved to Maine for college. I was like, "I'm getting as far away from the South as I can."
Eric Huffman:
Literally.
Adira Polite:
Yeah. I was like, "I got here."
It's called Bowdoin. It's a tiny liberal arts school.
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
A very, very culturally liberal school.
Eric Huffman:
Uh-huh.
Adira Polite:
So I was like, "I can go here and be-
Eric Huffman:
Accepted.
Adira Polite:
... myself." Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
Right.
Adira Polite:
I get to the school, and I feel like I'm in a Utopia. I can do whatever I want. And I did whatever I wanted. I became the President of the Gay Strait Alliance there.
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
I got a paid job working at what's called the Center for Gender and Sexual Diversity. So, I had a lot of influence, very quickly. I was very promiscuous. I was doing everything that I thought I'd come up there to do, essentially.
Eric Huffman:
How long did that go on? Was that your whole college?
Adira Polite:
No.
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
What happened?
Adira Polite:
Crazy. God happened.
Eric Huffman:
"Then God moved."`
Adira Polite:
Yeah. "Then God moved."
The summer in between my sophomore and junior years is when everything changed. This is Summer 2016. This is the summer of three back-to-back police shootings.
Eric Huffman:
Right.
Adira Polite:
There's all sorts of racial tension. And I'm at the age where I can understand it. And I'm on a college campus, so we're intellectualizing it. We're talking about it a lot. And for most of my life, we didn't really talk about race or racism. I genuinely didn't understand that it was a problem. I was in such a bubble growing up. Despite being in Memphis, Tennessee, I was in such a bubble. I didn't really understand how dark things were, racially.
Eric Huffman:
Right.
Adira Polite:
And then, when I got to college, I majored also in Africana Studies, African-American History, specifically. So, I realized all these things were happening. I actually went through a deep phase of being like, "I hate White people." I was so angry and bitter.
But this summer, so it's 2016, I'm on my campus all summer long. And right after classes end, everyone's just on campus, partying, and I'm there because some of my friends are graduating. And I'm hooking up with this girl who I'd had a friendship with for a while. And I remember just this overwhelming feeling of disgust. I was like, "I don't want to do this." And I paused. I literally couldn't do it. And I just shut it down. It was super awkward. Not going to lie.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah, I bet. Right.
Adira Polite:
Super uncomfortable.
Eric Huffman:
It was your first time with her.
Adira Polite:
Yeah. Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
So yeah, she's thinking something's wrong with her.
Adira Polite:
Yeah, probably.
Eric Huffman:
Right. And, "What's going on here?"
Adira Polite:
And I couldn't explain anything. I didn't know what was going on, but I was like, I just, "I'm sorry." I think I made some excuse. And I was like, "I can't do this." And literally, it was in the following weeks, I just had this identity crisis, because the desire to sleep with women, gone. Gone.
Eric Huffman:
And had you been asking for that from God?
Adira Polite:
No. No, no. I was not talking to God. I was not speaking to God.
Eric Huffman:
Just out of nowhere.
Adira Polite:
Out of nowhere. And on my super liberal campus, I just suddenly am like, "I don't want to do this." I was truly just like, "Something's wrong with me," because I was a huge part of my identity. It's my job on campus. It's my position on campus. But suddenly I don't want to do this. This is something I was doing multiple times a week.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
But suddenly, no desire.
Eric Huffman:
And you just suddenly found it unfulfilling in a way that in the past it seemed to be working.
Adira Polite:
Mm-hmm.
Eric Huffman:
Suddenly, it wasn't.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
Strange.
Adira Polite:
Very strange. But then, it wasn't strange, when a month later God essentially reveals himself to me, and I'm like, "Oh. That was you."
Eric Huffman:
Literally, a month later?
Adira Polite:
A month later.
So, I spend in that first half of the summer on campus. I'm doing research on Mass Incarceration. It's a paid fellowship. I'm spending all my days reading books, reading articles mostly about race, crime, and imprisonment in America.
There are multiple references to Revelation in one of the journal articles I'm reading. So, I go to Revelation on my computer, reading bits and pieces. And I remember just being, I would say, I was overwhelmed by just this awareness. I was like, "Wait. This feels true." Because there was so much about just conflict, and there was all this stuff also about the environment being destroyed. And I was like, "Wait. Whoa, whoa."
Eric Huffman:
That struck a chord.
Adira Polite:
Yeah. It was like, "This feels true." And-
Eric Huffman:
Good and evil, in all of it.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
I was like, "This-
Eric Huffman:
Justice.
Adira Polite:
... is resonating." Justice.
Eric Huffman:
Big justice element in it, yeah.
Adira Polite:
Yes. And it just resonated.
And so, I start to read more and more on my computer. I eventually start to read the gospels just like, "Oh. I'm curious." But I'm very much like, "I'm not about to be a Christian." But I'm reading more and more and more. There was this insane, and it sounds foolish, but I believe this was the hand of the Lord.
This one day, I'm stressed out because my fellowship's just not going so well, and my research is convoluted, and I'm just stressed out. And I said to myself, "I really hope lunch is good today." I go to the cafeteria, and it's just this mixture of foods that are all my favorites. It was like they had chicken wings, but they rarely have chicken wings at the school.
Eric Huffman:
Right, right.
Adira Polite:
Maybe twice a year they would have chicken wings. They had chicken wings, Caesar salad, mac and cheese, all these things that were my favorite things that they would have-
Eric Huffman:
But all at once.
Adira Polite:
All at once.
And I remember just being like, "Yes. This is so great." Hours pass. I finally go back to my dorm, and I walk into my dorm and I'm telling you, I felt the presence of God so heavy. It was like the air was thick. And I stood there. And I just remember hearing, "That was me." And I was like, "What?" And I just remember feeling, it was just all of a sudden I felt this awareness that God was real. He loved me. And he was actually providing for me in this tangible way where he was like, "You wanted food to be good, and of course it was good."
Eric Huffman:
Right.
Adira Polite:
And I was like, "What?" And I remember being like, "Okay. There's a higher power." And I was so aware of that. And I started to set aside, though, the Bible, because I really just didn't want to believe-
Eric Huffman:
Yeah, yeah.
Adira Polite:
... the Christian God. I wanted this to be a different God.
And second half of that summer I spent at the Innocence Project in New York. So, again, justice.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah, yeah.
Adira Polite:
I'm working there, and I'm living with my mom's friend, who's a pastor. I'm staying with her. And every Sunday she's like, "Do you want to come to church?" I'm like, "No. I'm good." And truly, there was this spiritual push and pull while I was there. In hindsight, I can see the spiritual war. There was so much temptation that summer.
And it feels as if the Enemy was like, "I have everything you could want on a platter." Because I spent that summer, honestly in very ritzy circles, hanging out with people from my school who have a ton of money.
Eric Huffman:
A lot of money.
Adira Polite:
Ton of money. And there are beautiful women everywhere. And there were just drugs everywhere. There was just everything. And I just had this deep, "I know I can't do this. I know this is not for me." But I still was not a Christian.
Eric Huffman:
Sure.
Adira Polite:
But the last Sunday that I was in town, I finally am like, "All right. Fine. I'll come with you to church." So, I go with my aunt, my aunt, my mom's friend-
Eric Huffman:
Sure.
Adira Polite:
... to church. And this is the moment.
We go. The Pastor's preaching a sermon on the Parable of Lost Sheep. And he's standing on the stage. He says, "Hey..." and it maybe 100 people. It's not a big church. He says, "Hey, I know that that there's a Lost Sheep in this room." And he's like, "Please come up." And, again, it was the same as what I felt in the dorm that day. It was just this overwhelming, it felt like there was just honey almost pouring over me, just this thickness. And I felt like the Lord was like, "Come on." And I was like, "I'm not getting up. I'm not about to stand up in front of all these people." And I just sit there and he's like, "We will wait. We'll wait for you." And I just eventually feel myself get up. And I go to the front. And by this point, not even through what I was reading, because I'm reading the gospels slowly that summer.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
But it was through the actual lived experience that the gospel clicked for me.
Eric Huffman:
Right, right.
Adira Polite:
It was like God actually chased me down, and brought me back to him. And I was just in. I was like, "All right. I believe. I'm done. I'm not going to run anymore. Let's just do this."
Eric Huffman:
Yeah. Wow. And that's the summer between sophomore and junior year?
Adira Polite:
Correct. So, literally halfway through college.
Eric Huffman:
So, you become a whole new person-
Adira Polite:
Entirely new person.
Eric Huffman:
... halfway through college, on a small liberal campus.
Adira Polite:
Correct. But I'm telling you, God, he had the protections in place. Because maybe half an hour after this altar call moment, I'm in my mom's friend's car after church. We're in Brooklyn. And I hear so clearly the Lord says, "Message Amanda." And I'm like, "what?" And I know her. I know of her. She's this girl on my campus. She's a Christian. I knew that much. But I've never really spoken to her. I don't know if she knows me. I am like, "What? No." So clear. "Message Amanda."
I'm like, "Okay. Fine." I sent her this awkward message. I'm like, "I just became a Christian. I don't know. I feel like I'm supposed to message you." She later tells me she thought I was kidding, because she knew exactly who I was. And she knew exactly what I did. And she knew.
Eric Huffman:
She thought you were pranking her.
Adira Polite:
Yeah. She literally thought I was pranking her. But she responds and she's like, "Oh. Okay. When we get back to campus, we can hang out." And so, when I get back to campus, we get lunch. I tell her everything. She's just mind blown.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
And it turns out she was one of the leaders of the Christian Fellowship on campus. So, it's like, as soon as I got back to campus, I was plugged into community. And God knew I needed that, because that return to campus was the hardest thing I've been through-
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
... socially.
Eric Huffman:
I imagine. But tell us exactly what that was like. You've still had some role with the Gay-Straight Alliance. You had a reputation that preceded you.
Adira Polite:
Mm-hmm.
Eric Huffman:
And now you're having to walk all that back.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
And relationships were affected. What was that junior year like, for you?
Adira Polite:
Yeah. Drama.
I resigned from those positions. Didn't explain why. I was super awkward about it all. I was very hesitant to talk about the sexuality piece, even though God had made clear that that was a big part of it. It's the first miracle I experienced that I'm aware of is that shift in my desires.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
And that's a really hard thing for me to talk about, because I don't want people to take that and use it to bludgeon other people, and say, "God changed her desires. Why hasn't he changed yours?"
Eric Huffman:
Right. Man.
Adira Polite:
That's a very specific thing I experienced, but I didn't want to talk about that. So I-
Eric Huffman:
Did you stop calling yourself queer, at that point? Or was that later? Or what?
Adira Polite:
I feel like that was later. A lot of people would ask me, "How do you identify?" And I would be like, "I don't really know."
Eric Huffman:
Right. Okay.
Adira Polite:
And people would say, "How does this affect your sex life?" And I would be really awkward to not talk about it. But I wasn't having sex. I actually published an article called, Coming Out Christian, in our school newspaper. I used to write a lot for the paper.
Eric Huffman:
Wow.
Adira Polite:
You can find it online. And I didn't talk about sexuality, explicitly. I had talked about the darkness on campus. And I spoke about just my transformation in very vague terms.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
And then, was like, "You all can figure that out."
Eric Huffman:
Right. Right. Right.
Adira Polite:
I was terrified.
Eric Huffman:
Well, how'd they receive it?
Adira Polite:
It was mixed. There were a number of people who grew up in the Church who were coming to me and saying, "Thank you. This is encouraging me to maybe give this a shot again." Because they were like, "If this is happening to you, maybe there is something to this." But the majority of people just thought I was crazy. I just had some weird experience. And now, I'm-
Eric Huffman:
The Christians brainwashed you or something, over the summer.
Adira Polite:
Mm-hmm.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah. And it'll wear off, was probably what they were thinking.
Adira Polite:
Probably. Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
What about professors?
Adira Polite:
Interestingly enough, they were very invested. There was a lot of drama on this little campus.
I took a class called Christian Sexual Ethics, and we talked about what's called the Ex-gay Movement.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
And people literally were looking at me. And it was people who I was friends with, who didn't want to be my friend anymore. And they were just looking at me. It was a two-day conversation in this class. And the second day that we were going to talk about this, I didn't go to class. I just didn't go. And my professor emailed me and was like, "Do you want to come talk?" And so, I go, thinking she's going to be encouraging. And she tells me that she's heard from the person who was the Director of the Center for Gender and Sexual Diversity, who I used to work for, this person, told this professor about my experience, and how I changed, and how I'd left the position. And this professor was basically expressing her concern. And I was like, "Why are you all gossiping about me? Why are [inaudible 00:30:17] adults gossiping about me?" But that was the culture of the school. It was just where it was, my spiritual state was of concern to everyone, including adults.
Eric Huffman:
That's so strange. But it maybe shouldn't be. Because I've always looked at that world of secular humanism or liberalism as a religion under itself, in the way that it behaves. It has its mantras. It has its creeds.
Adira Polite:
Mm-hmm.
Eric Huffman:
It has its membership and its privileges. And it's like you backslid.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
That sounds like a meeting a pastor would have with a member that has left the church. But maybe it shouldn't surprise us that the high priests of that religion behave in the similar fashion, like you're falling away-
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
... from what they deem to be salvation-
Adira Polite:
Right.
Eric Huffman:
... or the truth.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
So, you powered through those conversations. You weren't affected?
Adira Polite:
Oh, no. I was deeply affected.
Eric Huffman:
You were?
Adira Polite:
I was terrified. I was-
Eric Huffman:
Why?
Adira Polite:
I had been their princess for so long.
Eric Huffman:
Ah.
Adira Polite:
It was very hard to go-
Eric Huffman:
Identity.
Adira Polite:
Yes.
It was very hard to go from being celebrated by this culture to being pushed out. And it was just also very hard losing friends. I lost a lot of friends, because I was very shy about talking about it in groups or in public. But in individual conversations, I would be honest with my friends. And I was like, "This is what happened. This is where I'm at." And a lot of people said, "I can't be your friend. If you believe...," because they would ask, "D you think...," and they wouldn't use, obviously, the word homosexuality. I don't know what they would say. But they would say, "Do you think that what I'm doing is sin?"
Eric Huffman:
Uh-huh.
Adira Polite:
And if they asked me, I would be honest. I'm like, "Yeah. I do. I do."
Eric Huffman:
Right.
Adira Polite:
And I would always be very clear. I think sexual sin is sexual sin, obviously, as someone who tried to kill themselves because of homophobia. I hate homophobia. I don't see it as a greater sin than other sins. But yes, it is a sin. And that was a hard line for a lot of people.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah. That was a bridge too far for them. I get it.
I guess, the question I would have is, at that point in your life, were you evangelistic about it in the sense, "I had this experience. You can, too." Or were you just like, "Hey, this is my story. I don't know what God's going to do with you. But this is the truth as I understand it. Take it or leave it." How heavy handed were you in that stage of life? Were you proselytizing?
Adira Polite:
I think I pretty quickly started proselytizing.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
Because once I realized, "Okay. I'm going to lose these friends, if I'm honest," it was like, "Well, let's go."
Eric Huffman:
Might as well.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
I think I also saw the difference between life in Christ and life outside of Christ. It was night and day.
Eric Huffman:
What do you mean?
Adira Polite:
I had this joy. I remember feeling this deep joy that I knew was not based on my circumstances, because my circumstances were horrible at that time. But I just had such a deep peace. And I was so aware of God's love. And I wanted that for-
Eric Huffman:
Everyone.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah. It's almost like, "How can I not tell the world, at that point?" I know exactly what you mean. And it's not of us.
Adira Polite:
Mm-hmm.
Eric Huffman:
It's something that is unexplainable. Because your circumstances aren't different than they were yesterday.
Adira Polite:
Right.
Eric Huffman:
But, in another way, everything's different than it was yesterday. And it's not something that can be, like Jesus said, hidden under a bushel. You can't do it.
Adira Polite:
Yeah. It's impossible.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah, it is, you can have it all or walk away from it, but there's no middle.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
.... middle ground.
What else change that those last two years of college? Did you enter into relationships with men, at that point? Or desire that?
Adira Polite:
Didn't date men. The next semester was supposed to be studying abroad. And I wanted to go to South Africa. And I remember, as I was filling out this application to study abroad in Cape Town, I just feel this deep unease. And I'm like, "Okay. I need to go pray." And I go pray. And it's so clear. The Lord's like, "No. Not South Africa." And I was like, "What?"
And I'd already told my school that that's where I was going. And so I'm like, "God, I already told them this. If you can get me out of this, if I can somehow apply elsewhere, then I'll do that." The next day, I get an email from the Office of Off-campus Study. And they're like, "Hey, the problem with your program," they're like, "all this protests happening in Cape Town," which I already knew about. And so they told me, "If you go here, there's a chance you won't get credit because classes keep getting canceled." And they're like, "We just need you to go ahead and apply to a backup." And I was like, "Okay. All right, God."
And so, I was like, "Okay. I'm going to go to Australia," because my concern is, I'm in Maine, right? I'm freezing, I'm Black. If you all aren't seeing me, I'm Black, and I was like, "I'm cold." So, I desperately wanted to be in the Southern hemisphere. So I'm like, "All right, I'll go to Australia." And I remember just feeling that same, just God was like, "Hmmm."
And I actually asked Amanda. I was like, "Do you think I can just make this decision and just go? Is that an okay thing to do?" And she was like, "You should pray about it. And if you feel like you shouldn't do it, then you shouldn't do it." And I was like, "All right. Fine." So, I keep praying, and God starts talking about Rome. And it's so clear. "Rome, Rome, Rome." I kept seeing Rome, everywhere. And that's often how God will speak to me. My mom sends me this book. It's a big coffee table book. It's, 1000 Places to See. No. It's not that one. It's, 300 Places to See.
Eric Huffman:
I know it. Yeah.
Adira Polite:
Yeah. There's a little ribbon in it. And I say to myself as I open it, I was like, "I guarantee I'm going to open this book to a picture of Rome." I open it, it's the Vatican. And I'm like, "Oh, my gosh. Fine."
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
It's so crazy. I cried over this. God's sending me to a beautiful country, and I'm so distressed. I'm like, "I don't want to go to Rome."
Eric Huffman:
Right.
Adira Polite:
It just made no sense.
Eric Huffman:
"Why Italy?"
Adira Polite:
Yeah. "Why do I have to go live my best life in Italy?" I was so distressed.
And I go. And he radicalized me there. I really feel like that's what that was about.
Eric Huffman:
Wow.
Adira Polite:
I spent most of that time studying martyrdom, and just Early Church History. So, I'm seeing Christians sacrifice themselves and everything they have for the gospel.
Eric Huffman:
What do you mean, you're seeing it? Where it happened?
Adira Polite:
Where it happened?
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
I'm taking all these classes where we're talking about these things, and I'm going to the spots where it happened. I'm going to the spot where the Apostle Paul was martyred.
Eric Huffman:
Wow. Yeah.
Adira Polite:
Because I'd been a believer for six months at that point.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
But it was like God didn't waste any time. He was like, "You're going to recognize what the cost is. You're going to learn what the cost is." And I feel like I went from a very young believer to fairly seasoned, really fast, because of that trip, because of what I was learning.
While I was in Italy, Amanda, the same friend, calls me and she's like, "Hey, what are you planning to do this summer?" And I heard myself say, "It'd be really cool to find a prison ministry, or something like that." I'd never thought about that in my life.
Eric Huffman:
Weird.
Adira Polite:
That was the Holy Spirit.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
And maybe a few weeks later she was like, "Hey, I actually have family friends who founded a prison ministry in South Africa." And I'm like, "What?" Because I'd been to South Africa.
Eric Huffman:
Your heart was set on it. Yeah.
Adira Polite:
I was already wanting to be there.
And so, I go. And it was there that God dealt with a lot of the stuff I talked about earlier that I just kind of pushed aside. I don't think I ever even made a connection between those wounds and God, or thought maybe God can heal these. But while I was there-
Eric Huffman:
You mean the wounds from your childhood.
Adira Polite:
Yeah. Because while I'm there, we're in the prisons, we are talking to mostly teenaged and early-20s people. And all of them have baggage. All of them have stories. A lot of them came from broken homes, and that's how they ended up there. And so, we're talking about fatherlessness. And it's bubbling up. It's bubbling up.
The head of the ministry, he's like a 40-year-old dad. I would spend a lot of time with him and his daughter. I was standing on a beach in Cape Town on a rock. I was with those two. And he's holding his daughter in his arms. And I just broke down. I just started crying. And I was like, "I'm so hurt. I'm so broken over this. I want a dad. I want this. I didn't have this. And that has messed me up."
And it was just this deep awareness. And it felt almost like an exorcism, where it was just like I'd been shutting this down for so long, just fighting that feeling, telling myself, "It's fine. We don't need men. We don't need men. We don't need men." And it was like, "No. You're hurt. And we're going to deal with this."
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
And then, it was through that same summer that God brought up again the sexual trauma. It blew my mind. We're in prison. We're doing restorative justice work.
Eric Huffman:
Uh-huh.
Adira Polite:
I have a group of five guys in my group, and we're basically trying to help them come to terms of what they did, recognize, and take accountability for it. And we're preparing them to have conversations with their victims and with their families.
And this woman comes. And she comes to talk to the men. And her story is that she was raped. And she's talking about the impact it has 30 years later on her marriage. And the point is, "What you all did is going to impact your victim for the rest of their life." And then, she starts talking about how her daughter went to a sleepover and was touched by another girl.
Eric Huffman:
Wow.
Adira Polite:
And she talks about it in the language of child-on-child sexual abuse.
Eric Huffman:
Uh-huh.
Adira Polite:
And she starts talking about that. And she's like, "Many of you all in this room probably experienced something like that," because it's just so normalized, especially with men. Because we're talking to men who, many of them, their first sexual experiences were with girls when they were maybe 13 or 14. And it was an older person, which is so normalized. It's like they wear it as a badge of honor, the same way I did.
A lot of them are like, "Yeah. I lost my virginity when I was 13." And they think that's cool. It's like, "No, you were abused, and there's wounds, there's trauma there." And I remember just sitting there being like, "Wait. What? That was sexual abuse?" And it made so much sense, because I had so many of the markers of a victim of sexual abuse.
It's like God brought all this stuff to the surface, and it was so incredible. Because I wasn't there for myself. I didn't think I was going to find healing there. I was there to bring healing to them.
Eric Huffman:
Uh-huh.
Adira Polite:
But God was like, "No, no, no. We're going to deal with you."
Eric Huffman:
That's a very specific story to hear from this woman-
Adira Polite:
Yes.
Eric Huffman:
... about her daughter.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
How did God then help you work through that and heal that wound and fill that void?
Adira Polite:
Mm-hmm.
Eric Huffman:
Did he send a father figure into your life? Did he become a father to you? How did that reconcile itself?
Adira Polite:
Yeah. I think he sent himself. I think it was me coming to find out who God the Father is-
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
... recognizing his love for me. Also, seeing in my mind's eye memories from childhood and being able to recognize God's presence, even in those, seeing that he'd always been there.
I thought that men were unnecessary and they were never a part of my life. And it's like, "Well, actually there's a Father God and a masculine Spirit and Jesus all around me my entire life protecting me, guiding me, waiting for me to turn to him.
Eric Huffman:
Never exploiting you or-
Adira Polite:
Right.
Eric Huffman:
... abusing you.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
Yep. It's still an ongoing process, but a lot of it has been in therapy also, just unpacking a lot of that trauma, unpacking a lot of that hurt.
Eric Huffman:
Sure.
Adira Polite:
God has definitely identified a lot of those lies. The thing I told you about Sam, that's something I realized in the last year. In the last year, I was like, "Wait. Why do I think this way about men and White men in particular? Why am I so hostile?"
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
Why do I want this distance? And it's like, "Oh. Because I think that they will reject me." So, I reject men before they can reject me.
Eric Huffman:
Dang.
Adira Polite:
It's been an adventure, honestly.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
And now, you've gone on to graduate school.
Adira Polite:
Mm-hmm.
Eric Huffman:
Where have you gone? And when did you decide to make that step?
Adira Polite:
Yep.
I go to the Candler School of Theology at Emory University in Atlanta.
Eric Huffman:
A seminary, right?
Adira Polite:
A seminary.
Eric Huffman:
How long have you been there?
Adira Polite:
I'm in my third year, now. I'm about to graduate.
Eric Huffman:
Okay. Congrats.
Adira Polite:
Thank you.
Eric Huffman:
What's coming next for Adira?
Adira Polite:
Mm-hmm.
Eric Huffman:
You've started this podcast that's reaching tens of thousands. And you're telling these stories, other people's stories.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
When do we hear more from you, and this extraordinary story you have to tell?
Adira Polite:
That's a great question.
I think, first of all, this is a huge step for me. I don't talk about myself very often. And I think a big part of it, again, is that fear that people will use my story against other people.
Eric Huffman:
Okay.
Adira Polite:
I just think there's so much about my story that is specific to me.
Eric Huffman:
Uh-huh.
Adira Polite:
And it shows God's power, but it's not how God always operates.
Eric Huffman:
I've seen people do that, like with Jackie Hill Perry, and others.
Adira Polite:
Exactly.
Eric Huffman:
Christians, well-intentioned, well-meaning persons, I think, usually will take one isolated story and say to their relatives who have the same struggles Jackie Hill Perry used to have, or whatever. Exactly. "This should be you."
Adira Polite:
Exactly.
Eric Huffman:
"This could be you." And God works with us all very differently.
Adira Polite:
Mm-hmm.
Eric Huffman:
So, I would understand that fear. I wouldn't want to have my story projected in that way.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
I think there's also just a fear of man. And it's easier to publish other people's stories than it is to publish my own.
Eric Huffman:
Sure.
Adira Polite:
I shared my testimony on Instagram. I shared a summarized version of this story, and there was so much pushback, I think-
Eric Huffman:
From your own followers?
Adira Polite:
No. I shared it then on my own personal page, also. And there was all this hoopla, because a lot of people from college, they had a sense, but they had never heard me explicitly say, "Here's what happened. Here's what I believe." And there was all this...
Eric Huffman:
They found it offensive.
Adira Polite:
Very offensive. Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
That probably brings up some stuff for you around rejection and things like that-
Adira Polite:
I think so. I think so.
Eric Huffman:
... that is fear-based.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
That the Enemy can leverage to shut you up.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
You can't let him.
Adira Polite:
Thank you.
Eric Huffman:
Just as simple as that. I know it's simple, but not easy.
Adira Polite:
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Eric Huffman:
But that's no reason to stop.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
And this is not a pastoral counseling session, but you do love telling powerful stories, and you do it well.
Adira Polite:
Thank you.
Eric Huffman:
And that's why you started, Then God Moved.
Adira Polite:
Exactly.
Eric Huffman:
More or less, how many stories have you told through that?
Adira Polite:
That's great question. It's definitely in the hundreds. I don't know how many posts are on Instagram, but there are many.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
And a huge part of why I started it is thinking about what I needed to hear. And that's, I think, why I share these sort of stories that I often share.
Eric Huffman:
That's how I write sermons, by the way.
Adira Polite:
Oh, yeah?
Eric Huffman:
Very similar.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
It's like I had such bad theology growing up. And I don't blame even my church. I think it was in my own mind. And it was the message of the social world around me which was, as I said, "You have to choose."
Eric Huffman:
Right.
Adira Polite:
"It's on you to change. And once you change, then you can go to God." And it's like, "No." These stories show that it has nothing to do with what these people have done. They are very honest usually about how horrible they were and what they were doing and just how lost they were. And it's like God is the actor it's called, Then God Moved, because God's the subject of these stories. He's the one who does the changing.
Eric Huffman:
Yes.
Adira Polite:
And I just think that that is so important. And that's where it began, was "I want my friends to see this," and hopefully seeds will be planted. And that's what it's continued to be.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
If anybody's listening now, and hasn't followed her on Instagram, Adira's Instagram is called, Then God Moved, or the podcast, obviously I cannot encourage you enough to do that.
But talk about why someone should, by telling us maybe your favorite story that you've ever shared.
Adira Polite:
My favorite story. It's not necessarily the craziest. There are so many dramatic stories, but it is my favorite.
There's a man named Ken Parker who became a Clansman. He worked his way through the ranks of the Klan, very fast. He then eventually switched from the Klan to the Nazi's. He helped plan the Charlottesville rally.
Eric Huffman:
Whoa.
Adira Polite:
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
So, he was very well known. He was in a Netflix documentary about White supremacy. He was very proud to talk about it. There was a Black man who lived in his apartment complex, this pastor. This pastor would periodically, when he would see him, talk to him, ask him, "Why do you do what you do? Why do you think what you think?" And he would explain.
And he started to, then, challenge this pastor. He was like, "You tell me why this is wrong." Because he really believed that he was a Christian.
Eric Huffman:
Yeah.
Adira Polite:
There's an entire theology in White supremacy that they would say is Christ-centered? But, of course, it's not.
Eric Huffman:
Sure.
Adira Polite:
He believes he's a Christian. He was like, "Why is this wrong?" The pastor would gently push back. Eventually, Ken was planning to go to a rally in Tennessee, but he's feeling like uneasy about it. And he asks the pastor, "What do you think I should do?" Which already, obviously, he knows what the answer is.
Eric Huffman:
Right.
Adira Polite:
But the pastor says, "I would just advise you to pray about it." Ken goes to his room. He prays. And he tells me that he was sitting in that room praying, and he felt across his face a slap. I don't know how to make sense of that. He said there was a mark on his face, and he heard the voice of the Lord say, "You're not going."
And he very much believes it was an angel of the Lord was in his space, touched him-
Eric Huffman:
Wow.
Adira Polite:
And then, the Lord boomed, "You are not going." And he said, in that moment, the desire lifts. He was like, "I felt freed from that." And he leaves.
He, all this time, was starting to realize. And I think that's why he was confronting the pastor. "You tell me why this is wrong."
Eric Huffman:
Right. He was looking for it.
Adira Polite:
Exactly. He wanted to get out. And it was like God literally answered his prayer and freed him.
He was then baptized by that Black pastor.
Eric Huffman:
No way.
Adira Polite:
He goes to that church, now.
And what's so amazing, when I interviewed him, he told me how, when he first went to the church, he was expecting them to all be like, "Why are you here? You're a former white supremacist." And he was like, "They just embraced me. They just loved on me." And it was just the picture of the gospel for him.
Eric Huffman:
Wow.
Adira Polite:
Now, he goes to this all-Black church. And I think it also goes back to my story. It was through studying God's Word on conflict that I came to know Christ. And it's like this man was a champion for hate. And then, in an instant, God just undid all that.
Because I think even in my discipline of Africana studies, it's like people spend so much time talking about various remedies. And I do think that on-the-ground work is totally necessary to deal with racism. We can't just pray it away. We have to undo this damage. But it's like God, in an instant, just undid that in his life. It's not like he was trapped and he had to go to classes. It was like the Holy Spirit just moved and-
Eric Huffman:
It was done.
Adira Polite:
... it was over.
Eric Huffman:
It is finished.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
Wow.
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
It probably sounded somewhat familiar to you, given your story, like you said. The instantaneous sort of release comes out of left field seemingly. It's a shock.
Adira Polite:
It is.
Eric Huffman:
Right. And everything's different after that.
Adira Polite:
Mm-hmm.
Eric Huffman:
Wow. Fascinating.
And you're an extraordinary young woman. I could talk to you all day about what God's doing in you, and what he's done in you already. This interview can't go on forever, unfortunately.
Maybe just one more question. If someone's tuning in right now, watching or listening, and they relate to your story in ways that maybe I don't or others don't. And they're just feeling what you're saying up to the point where you said, "And then God moved and took the desires that I didn't need to be having, away," or "changed me wholesale overnight." And they're like, "I'm with you until there. And I've just never had that experience. The desire's still there. I still struggle. Are you telling me maybe God doesn't want me as much?" Or what would you say to them if they're sitting right here with us?
Adira Polite:
Well, first of all, it's important to note that I still suffer a lot and struggle with many different temptations. Just because that one temptation is gone doesn't mean that I'm not still.
I think that that war against the flesh is a very important part of the Christian walk. I think it's honestly an opportunity to grow closer to the Lord, being aware of those desires that you don't want, and submitting them daily to God. In no way should someone feel that because they have a particular desire that is especially taboo in this culture, that God sees it that way, that God sees them as "less than..." He doesn't. He knows every desire you have. He made you. He is fully aware of what you're walking through. And if you turn to him, he will walk with you. And that's all you need. All you need is God's presence. You don't need to be delivered from the desire. Though it's a great story, and I'm so grateful that that is my story.
Eric Huffman:
Sure.
Adira Polite:
That's not necessary to be close to God.
Eric Huffman:
That's right. Amen.
And I think oftentimes when we tell these great stories, the communication that we inadvertently send sometimes is that that's the starting point for everyone.
Adira Polite:
Correct.
Eric Huffman:
Sometimes, the starting point is just, in spite of no story like that, choosing to want him anyway.
Adira Polite:
Exactly.
Eric Huffman:
And in some ways that takes more strength and faith. Maybe God gives people like you and me those dramatic stories, because that's the only way you could get us.
Adira Polite:
Yeah. I think [inaudible 00:52:35].
Eric Huffman:
We're the weaklings. I don't know. But I needed it, too. And I never would've would've come around without that experience that I had in 2013. And you had been dealt a difficult hand in the early life that he seemed to have needed to send you a shake up-
Adira Polite:
Yeah.
Eric Huffman:
... as well.
Adira Polite:
He definitely sent that.
Eric Huffman:
Wow. Adira, thank you so much for your courage in sharing with us, and your honesty, and for your willingness to be so consistent in sharing other people's stories. Because, for believers and unbelievers alike, I think you add joy, hope, and light to a world that, especially in recent years, has felt pretty dark and hopeless at times. So, grateful for your voice.
Adira Polite:
Thank you.
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