^{April 11, 2024}

Does God Leave Us Hanging?

Inside This Episode

Kennedy Littledike was 16 years old when she survived a horrific car crash that left her dangling upside down on a power line for over an hour as she waited for help. Now 19, this Idaho teen and Tik Tok sensation talks about the incident that changed her life overnight, and a strange, supernatural encounter with God that kept her holding on for dear life. Kennedy insists that, in some really important ways, the accident and resulting amputation changed her outlook on life for the better. What can her story teach us about God’s plan for our pain?

Transcript

Julie Mirlicourtois: Hey, Maybe God family. We're so glad you're tuning in today. After this episode, we'd be so grateful if you'd rate and review us wherever you're listening. That's really the best way for more people to discover our content that's aimed at hopeful skeptics and doubtful believers.

Also, if you want more incredible stories from the Maybe God team, don't forget to check out our first-ever award-winning documentary series called Across by heading to acrossdocumentary.com. We'll also add that link in the show notes.

Finally, before we get started, we'd like to offer a quick disclaimer that this episode contains some really graphic details of a car accident that may not be suitable for younger audiences.

Man: We've got to have ambulances and police out here right away.

Eric Huffman: On this episode of Maybe God, she was only 16 years old when the most horrific moment of her life was captured in a photo that went viral.

Man: A girl is hanging by her leg from the telephone pole wire. There's multiple people hurt.

Eric Huffman: Idaho teen and TikTok sensation Kennedy Littledike talks about the car accident that changed her life overnight and a strange encounter with God that kept her holding on for dear life.

Kennedy Littledike: God was calling me. I knew it was Him calling me home and I started hitting the accept button and it wasn't accepting and I start panicking. Eventually, it just stops ringing and I can see my reflection in the screen and it's just beat up like I'm bruised, there's blood everywhere.

Eric Huffman: Kennedy insists that in some really important ways, that horrific event changed her life for the better. So what can her story teach us about God's plan for our pain? That's today on Maybe God.

You're listening to Maybe God. I'm Eric Huffman. It's every parent's worst nightmare. One minute, life's good. Everything's normal and the next, you receive the dreaded phone call. Or a police officer shows up at your front door with the terrible news that your teenage child has been in an accident.

This scenario feels very close to home for me, by the way, because exactly 24 hours ago, I was sitting with my daughter at the DMV, waiting for them to tell her that she passed the driving test so that she could have her driver's license. I confess that some small very selfish part of me hoped that she would fail the test just so I could keep her safe with me in my car just a little while longer.

But alas she passed with flying colors and now my little girl is a licensed driver and ready to go out into the world on her own. The mere thought of anything happening to her is enough to make my stomach turn. Which is why today's story is so remarkable.

When you hear a story like Kennedy's, you're inevitably left with questions about pain and suffering and God. If God is all-powerful and all-loving, for example, why on earth would He allow innocent people to suffer? I think the best way to get answers to that sort of question is by asking someone who's been through the pain. Someone like today's guest, a 19-year-old from a town of about 300 people in Idaho.

Kennedy Littledike: I was born and raised in Melba, Idaho. It's about 30 minutes out from Boise, Idaho. And I lived there until 2017. We moved away when I was 12. We moved to Declo, Idaho, which is a super, super small town. It's close to Burley. A lot of people just fill up gas there. That's about it.

I loved to play soccer. I was captain my junior year. I guess this is part of my story too. I had struggles with mental health issues. I was struggling with depression and I wasn't happy with my life. I just felt like life was hard, even though I had no idea how much harder it was going to get.

My dad had been diagnosed with cancer. I also struggled with an eating disorder where I would work out excessively and then I would go all day off of Red Bulls and gum and then maybe one meal at the end of the day.

Eric Huffman: How did you end up in that struggle?

Kennedy Littledike: I would say the depression is from looking at so many different things on social media, which is crazy because a lot of people are like, social media doesn't have an impact on your mental health. It 100% does, depending on what you're looking at.

Eric Huffman: Who says it doesn't? You need to stop listening to those people.

Kennedy Littledike: I just have seen people that will be like, "I'm not deleting social media. That's not what is wrong. That's not going to help me." Which I don't believe. Like if you're struggling mentally with body image or have a weird perception of what life actually is because you see so many people living it completely differently, I highly suggest get off social media.

Eric Huffman: I mean, is it overly simplistic to say you saw people on social media who looked ways you didn't see yourself looking in the mirror or living lives you didn't see yourself living and you felt less than?

Kennedy Littledike: Well, I've always been super skinny all my life and I felt like I needed to uphold that Because people would comment about it all the time of like, "Oh, you're so skinny." And when you get told that you don't ever want to be more than that.

Eric Huffman: Right. If you're not that, who are you?

Kennedy Littledike: Yeah. I'm pretty sure on the scale I was like 110 pounds at 16 years old, which is not healthy.

Eric Huffman: How bad was the mental state leading up to that fateful day? Like, were you... I mean, it's such a personal question. Were you suicidal?

Kennedy Littledike: I would say I knew what I wanted to do for if I was going to commit suicide, but I wasn't necessarily ready to pull the trigger yet. But at the same time, I didn't really have a plan for my life. I mean, I had hopes like I wanted to play soccer, but I didn't really care to plan anything because I wasn't playing on it. But I wasn't at that time like, oh, I'm ready to commit suicide.

Eric Huffman: Kennedy was a junior in high school when she began contemplating suicide. It was also the year that she had her first boyfriend until he broke up with her at the end of the school year. Kennedy reacted the way most teenage girls would, by shedding a lot of tears and by seeking the comfort of her best friends. Two days after the breakup, on May 22, 2021, Kennedy was still grieving when the unimaginable happened.

So it was the weekend before the last week of school. I was emotional, and I went to work that day. Before I went to work, my mom had asked me if I would go to Logan, Utah with her to go help some family with yard work—my grandma that lives there, and I told her I had work and I couldn't get it off because it was such last minute. She had a super strong feeling to make me go with her and I just told her no.

At this time I did not have the best relationship with my parents. I was stubborn. I just wanted to do what I wanted to do. Typical teenager. She ended up leaving and had a super strong urge to turn around the car and come get me but she just knew it wasn't worth it because I wasn't gonna go.

I ended up going to work. I think I got off work at five, and my two best friends at the time, they wanted to hang out. So me and my friends were like, "Let's go get some food and hang out in town for a while." So we go get food in Burley, and we ended up driving back out to Declo, where I live, and we have a big mountain out there that has a big D on it for Declo, and you can go to the base of it, and watch the best sunsets.

So we drove there, and we were watching the sunset, just having a good time talking. I was feeling better. They were making me laugh. And we were back on the way to my house which is four miles from where we were parked and it's pretty much a straight shot and none of us were wearing our seatbelts.

I can't remember what exactly happened because my memory just didn't remember this part, but I just started bawling, and I'm guessing it was over the whole situation. I started to go off the road on the left side, so then I overcorrected too far. Way too far.

I think there was a little hill on the side of the road, a little bump, And the car caught air, and my side of the vehicle, the driver's side of the vehicle, hit the right side of the power pole, and it flipped us sideways. And we started flipping and rolling. And from there, I was the first one ejected. I wasn't on the ground like you would think. I was actually left suspended 30 feet in the air in a power line by my broken femur.

Man: Got a car wreck. A girl is hanging by her broken leg from the telephone pole wire. There's more people hurt.

Woman: All right, stay on the phone with me.

Eric Huffman: Having seen the videos, it's horrific what happened to you and the state you ended up in. Before we get into that a little bit more, what happened to your friends?

Kennedy Littledike: So then my passenger, she was the second one out. She initially, I think, was knocked out, and eventually, when she woke up, she was crying. You can hear her in the back of the 911 call.

Man: There is a girl hanging by her broken leg from the telephone wire.

Kennedy Littledike: A lot of people thought that was me. It wasn't. It was her. She had a broken neck, back, and pelvis. And then the friend in the back seat, he was the third one out. He was awake the whole time and he was just facing me but I was faced the opposite direction, hanging.

So I couldn't see them. They were behind me. But then he could see me. And he was bleeding out of his wrist. He had a broken neck and pelvis, I believe.

Eric Huffman: Who called 911?

Kennedy Littledike: We crashed in front of these people's house and their lights flickered, obviously because I just landed in the power line. And they were like, "That's weird." And I was calling for help. They heard me and they came out and... It was a few of them. I know the dad and a daughter came to help me and they were just standing underneath me like, we don't know what to do. Felt so helpless because there's not much you can do in that situation.

Kennedy Littledike: The one daughter actually dropped to her knees and prayed, started praying because she felt like that's all she could do. Her dad he told my dad he hadn't prayed in over 20 years, I think, and he prayed that night because he felt like that's all he could do. Then one of them called 911, I'm pretty sure, pretty quick.

Man: Your ambulance is coming.

Woman: How many vehicles?

Man: One.

Woman: One vehicle?

Man: Yes. People are fu**king laying all over dying. There's a girl hanging from telephone wire from her leg [inaudible 00:11:29] off. Hang on, kids. You got help coming. You're still alive.

Eric Huffman: I had never seen anything like this before, where the person was ejected from the car, ends up hanging on a power line by their broken limb. So it was your leg, your femur, area that was sort of doubled over the power line, is that right?

Kennedy Littledike: Mm-hmm.

Eric Huffman: And that whole time you were conscious?

Kennedy Littledike: Yeah, I was conscious the whole time.

Eric Huffman: Were you in a lot of pain?

Kennedy Littledike: I wouldn't say I was in pain. It was uncomfortable and I was confused. I don't remember the process of being flung out, but I woke up pretty quick. I remember being super high upside down. It was dark and I remember drowning in my blood and I was just wiping it out because I was bleeding out of my injured arm, my leg is obviously torn and so just all running down my body into my nose.

I remember I started to cry. I've never been a big crier. I don't feel this way about other people but for me I feel weak. It's just something I have always struggled with letting go of. So I knew if I were to cry that I was done for. And that probably sounds so silly, but I pulled it together. I also felt just very uncomfortable, not necessarily in pain. And I was just confused. And then...

Eric Huffman: Like, why am I hanging up here? Like, what is going on?

Kennedy Littledike: Yeah. I didn't even really realize I was in a power line. None of it really correlated in my brain. You were alone too, which is pretty scary. Or you felt alone.

Kennedy Littledike: Yeah, because all my friends are behind me and I can't... I don't even remember hearing them. I don't remember much. My memory is just a little patchy. Then I got a FaceTime call from God. I was up there, and in my mind, I obviously didn't have my phone, and it was a picture. It's actually this picture on my wall, and it's a picture of Christ putting His hand through the water.

That was His profile picture, and it was the accept and the decline button, and God was calling me. And I knew it was Him calling me home. I started hitting the accept button, and it wasn't accepting and I start panicking because the phone only rings for so long. Eventually, it just stops ringing and I can see my reflection in the screen and it's just beat up like I'm bruised. There's blood everywhere.

I looked rough and I just knew in that moment. I had to stay. I didn't know why yet. I knew it was not going to be good because of what I saw in the reflection. Again, I just wanted to cry because I was confused. Why would God call me home and then not accept me?

Eric Huffman: How do you look at it now, that little part of the story, like where God is FaceTiming you and you're trying to accept it and it's not going through? How do you interpret it now? I interpret it as He was just letting me know that He was there, and that I wasn't alone up there, and that He was keeping me here for a reason, and that it wasn't just to go through pain. It was for a reason.

Eric Huffman: What was it like in the aftermath of the whole ordeal? I mean, they finally get you down after an hour.

Kennedy Littledike: My memory then flips to another time and there was a whole bunch of people underneath me. Because when you live in a small town, not much happens and people are really nosy.

Eric Huffman: I'm from exactly the same size town. So I know when there's sirens in town, everybody chases them.

Kennedy Littledike: And I remember being up there, and there's just a group of people underneath me. And it felt like so many people. And I was like, you're all watching me, but no one's going to help me. Again, I'm confused on what's happening. I just kept asking, like, "Hey, can you please get me down?"

There's actually one lady, she thought I was her granddaughter, so she filmed me up there of them getting me off. I've never posted it, because it is gruesome. And then my memory flips up to where one of the guys, either EMT, firefighter came to get me and he was getting closer to me and I was like you have to get me down because at this point it's been an hour. Like I'm exhausted, I'm bleeding. It's just-

Eric Huffman: Horrific.

Kennedy Littledike: ...not a good time. I just looked him in the face and I said, "You need to get me down." And he goes, "We're trying everything we can." And he's like trying to stay calm, but I could definitely tell he was panicked. He ended up putting the tourniquet on. They said that's the only time I screamed and cried was when they put the tourniquet on. Because they put those things on tight.

I don't remember necessarily crying but I remember like the pressure of it was horrendous. And then my memory again kind of blacks out until I fall onto the stretcher. It was like in the video my body is lifeless because my arm also has a severe injury where it was torn off in the accident and just hanging on by the skin on my back so my body looks lifeless falling onto the stretcher. I remember just feeling like a relief of I don't have to fight anymore. It's not my job.

By the time I got down, I kind of had a feeling of peace.

Eric Huffman: Like it was over? Like you thought you were dying?

Kennedy Littledike: Yeah. Like I had so much peace that I was going and I wasn't scared at all. I woke up in the ambulance again and I was like, "I don't know why I'm still here. I thought I was done." And they're working on me. And it's like literally straight out of a movie where they're like, "We're losing her" because they didn't think I would even make it.

I remember giving them the eyes of like, "Okay, thanks for trying to save my life, but I'm done." And I don't remember anything until I woke up at the hospital days later, I think.

Eric Huffman: Kennedy's femur was broken in half by the power line, but that horrific landing position turned out to be the reason that she wasn't killed instantly. The main artery in her leg was pinched off by that power line, and the main artery in her arm was cauterized when Kennedy was electrocuted.

The accident took place just one mile from her house. She was only going three miles per hour over the speed limit. They know this now because her grandfather had been tracking her through a location-sharing app for families. He was the one who realized that something was wrong when Kennedy's tracker wasn't moving from the same spot on the side of the road for over an hour.

He could hear the emergency vehicles from his house and he knew that it was all related. So he called Kennedy's dad, who raced to the scene.

Kennedy Littledike: My dad's panicking frantically, like, looking for me through all the crowds of people. And the police officer's like, "You can't go any further." And he was like, "I think that's my daughter. There's no way you're stopping me right now." At this point, I had just gotten in the ambulance, which is a blessing because I don't understand how you would cope with that as a father, feeling so helpless. So I'm so grateful he got there after they got me down.

He just dropped to his knees outside of the ambulance, because they wouldn't let him in yet, and he just started praying. And he was like, "Please God, I don't care..." And it sounds a little silly, but he was like, "If you just keep her head, I don't care." That's not logical, obviously, but he just wanted God to know that He would take me in any form just to have his daughter. And so he's like, "Please, please, please don't take her. Don't take her."

Eric Huffman: Not even that's enough to make you cry, Kennedy? Because I'm about to sob like a baby as a father.

Kennedy Littledike: If I think about it too much.

Eric Huffman: Wow.

Kennedy Littledike: So then they eventually let him come in, and they said, "Do you want to give her a blessing?" And he said, "Yes, I would love to." Gives me a blessing. He goes, "I just remember kissing you on the forehead. And they told me that they were going to life-flight you to Portneuf Hospital in Pocatello and that I probably wasn't going to make it, so say your goodbyes. That's what happened.

My grandpa threw him in the truck, and they were like, "We don't know how fast we were going to get there." But he said the whole way because he just kissed me on the forehead, he could taste my blood the entire way. That's how much blood there was.

Eric Huffman: I can't imagine it from your dad's perspective, either. I mean, I'm a father of a teenager. She'll be in junior year next year. And it's just all too much to even imagine. But you survived the life flight. Obviously, you arrived at the hospital. What kind of medical marathon was in front of you? What did you have to go through?

Kennedy Littledike: They left on me to Portneuf Saturday night and they were a trauma two-level hospital and they did the best they could with stabilizing me because I was in rough condition and they were like, "There's nothing else... We don't know what to do with her. Like she's far beyond what we know how to do." So they were like, "In the morning, we'll fly her to Salt Lake City."

My worst injuries was, obviously, my leg was mangled. And then my arm had severe nerve damage. I had a broken collarbone. I had a broken humerus. And then I have a brachial plexus injury, which was the nerve. And obviously, my arm was torn off. So they had to re-put that back on.

So they ended up flying me to the University of Utah that Sunday, which was a trauma one-level hospital, and they were even like, "We don't see these wounds, only in war." Like, these aren't normal wounds you see. I had a total of 21 surgeries on my arm and leg combined.

I was going in surgery every other day to see if the leg was doing okay and every time it was rotting. Literally, my dad says it was like a meat slicer. They just kept just cutting it off. I ended up having a total of five amputations.

Eric Huffman: Every time you came out of surgery, you came out with less leg?

Kennedy Littledike: Yeah, before my last amputation, they told me I'd lost my leg. I didn't react as bad as I thought I would. I just asked if my other two friends had to lose any limbs, and they said no, and I said, well, I'm glad I'm the one that had to lose it because I was driving.

Before my last amputation, they told me, "Your leg is doing great. We're going to be able to wrap it up tomorrow, like no more amputations." So we were all praying and feeling really good about it. My dad had a lot of hope and I said, "But if we do have to take more leg, she will never be able to walk again because they thought my leg was too short." Obviously this is like a massive thing.

And by that night, I felt like my body overheating. I literally felt like I was dying. Again, another experience with God I had. It all came to me as a dream. It was so weird. But I was this little character on this beach running around doing these tasks. I felt like I was dying and I started levitating up this cliff. There was a massive cliff. At the top of it was God reaching His hand down to grab my hand to pull me up. I started panicking. I was like, "No, no, no, I have so much to do. It's not my time yet."

I just slowly started going up the cliff and then I was pretty close, and the nurses all came in and they figured out how to get my temperature down in the time being. And it turned out my leg had rotted even more. And that's why I was doing that.

Because if you have that big of an infection in your body, it can kill you. So it wasn't just in my head, which I kind of thought it was. So then the next day, they had to end up going and amputating my leg at the break. That was the hardest day for my dad because he'd sat next to my bed and promised me, "You're going to play soccer again, you're going to run again, you're going to do all these things again." Then for him to feel like he lied to me, absolutely destroyed him.

Eric Huffman: I bet. I'd have to face you and tell you the truth and see your reaction. It had to have been a pretty hellacious moment for him.

Kennedy Littledike: Yeah.

Eric Huffman: Do you remember the first time you talked to your friends who were in the car with you after the accident?

Kennedy Littledike: I couldn't see them for a little bit. But I remember sending them a voicemail, and I am just bawling. I just apologized over and over because of what I did. And I didn't mean to. Obviously, I would never put someone in a situation like that, ever. I felt so bad about everything.

I remember the girl, I'm pretty sure we talked on the phone and we just cried on the phone together because she was like, "It's okay, I don't blame you. I don't hold this against you at all. You're still my best friend." It was pretty much just a cry fest.

Eric Huffman: And the guy?

Kennedy Littledike: I'm pretty sure I left him the voicemail, but then we ended up did talking on the phone and it was kind of the same thing of just crying and apologizing and him just saying, It's okay. They were very gracious with me.

Eric Huffman: What a blessing. Do you still feel guilt-ridden?

Kennedy Littledike: Yeah, I think I always will.

Eric Huffman: Really?

Kennedy Littledike: Yeah. I know they are fully back to normal, from what I know, no pain, but still they had to go through such a traumatizing experience that gave them trauma, PTSD, pain, all of those things that it still will make me feel bad.

Eric Huffman: So let's talk about in the aftermath of the last amputation. I mean, you had to get acquainted with your new limb, or lack thereof, and come to terms with everything. I guess there was some physical therapy involved. And what was all that like?

Kennedy Littledike: So obviously, my dad had told me I lost my leg, but I didn't know how much of it I'd lost or what was really left. It was a whole new world. The physical therapy came in the next day after I got my amputation and they were like, "Okay, let's do 10 squats." And my dad about had a cow. He was like, "What do you think you're doing? Like, she just got out of surgery yesterday." And they were like, "She can do it." And I was like, "Yeah, I can do it. I'm fine."

They sat me up. At this point, it was a struggle to even sit up at a 90-degree angle for 15 minutes. Like, it was crazy. And when they sat me up, I'd ask them, is my gown covering my leg? And they said, yes, it's covering your leg. You're good. So then I did my 10 squats. I sat down, and I was feeling really good, making jokes. And I accidentally looked down, not realizing my leg was not covered anymore, and I saw how short it was. And I really do have a super short amputation. And I just remembered looking up at my dad and just started crying. I said, "You never told me it was this short. What am I going to do with this? There's nothing here." And he just looked at me like, "I'm sorry." Even though he couldn't control it, he didn't know what to say. I probably should have given him some grace, but I didn't know. I was 16.

Eric Huffman: You were in shock.

Kennedy Littledike: Yeah. It was hard. It was really hard. I cried for a little bit. Then they told me I should touch it. It was still wrapped. So it's not like a bare leg because that would freak me out because I have scars all over it because of the power line. They told me to touch it and I was like, "You're freaking crazy if you think I'm going to touch that thing. There's no way."

They were like, "Okay, just take your time." Within, I think, five minutes, I was touching it. And I was like, "Okay, it's not too bad." I ended up naming my leg Gobi because my trauma name in the hospital was Trauma Gobi because I was a minor and they can't disclose my name. So I named my nub Gobi.

I was like moving it around and I was like, "Go Gobi, go Gobi." And I have like a video of it and my voice is super raspy. I look like garbage. [Go Gobi! Go Gobi!]

Eric Huffman: I remember that moment. I've seen that. And what stood out to me was just your ability to conjure up a sense of humor in a moment like that.

Kennedy Littledike: And the nurses were like, we've never seen anything like this. Like most people are angry, sad. I can't even say it was me that gave me that ability. It was 100% God.

Eric Huffman: You were in the hospital for seven weeks. So that took up a big part of that summer there between junior and senior year. I'm guessing they let you pass junior year and you moved on.

Kennedy Littledike: I got out of all my finals. It was great.

Eric Huffman: Well, there's a silver lining. So what was senior year like when you go back to school?

Kennedy Littledike: I was in a wheelchair, and it was hard because people are looking at you weird, trying to figure you out because they haven't seen you in person yet. They just want to look at you, not let you know that they're looking at you. But luckily, I had a lot of really good friends, guy friends, that opened the doors for me, pushed me around if I needed. Literally, anything they would do for me. It made the process a lot easier.

Then in September, I got my first prosthetic leg. When I got my leg, I was walking without a crutch in less than a week.

Eric Huffman: Goodness gracious.

Kennedy Littledike: I was very like, this is my goals and this is what I want.

Eric Huffman: What's life like now? I mean, you're out of high school. You're taking classes in tech school and learning business technologies. Is that right?

Kennedy Littledike: Yeah.

Eric Huffman: What's it like to be you now?

Kennedy Littledike: I mean, it's definitely hard, but I've tried to look at the most positive aspect of it. I'm still here. God gave me this opportunity. I'm going to use it and use my platform to inspire others.

Eric Huffman: Are you dealing with chronic pain?

Kennedy Littledike: I do have chronic pain. Since I have so much nerve damage, I have a lot of nerve pain in my two fingers right here, my pointer and my thumb. It's constant. It never goes away. But sometimes it gets heightened. It's awful.

Then when I get sick, it gets really, really bad. Then where the nerves got pulled out of my spine is always super sensitive, but it's not chronic pain. It's just… if you touch it, but it's whatever.

Eric Huffman: You're so strong. It's crazy. It's whatever. I'm good. Let's keep going.

Kennedy Littledike: You really don't want to be anybody's victim, do you?

Kennedy Littledike: No. I find it, which this could sound bad, but since I'm in a rough situation myself, I feel like I can say it, people that sit there and complain about their lives and how hard it is and everything that's hard on their lives over and over and over, it personally drives me nuts. I do have my hard days where, like, I do break down and I need to talk about it. But I'm not constantly like, oh, life is so hard, feel bad for me because I've still made life good. I've learned how to ski, snowboard, mountain bike, all of the things.

Eric Huffman: That's amazing.

Kennedy Littledike: I just feel like you can be in a tough situation. Like my issues I still had with the accident before... I don't have an eating disorder anymore. I don't struggle with depression. Do I have hard days? Yeah, I do, because chronic pain. Life is hard sometimes. Does my dad still have cancer? Yes. Is there anything I can do about it? No.

Like, you just have to look at the better things of life, or you will just sit and focus on everything that's wrong with your life, because there's a lot of it, but there's also a lot of good.

Eric Huffman: It's interesting that you said you don't struggle with depression anymore. Any objective observer would look at your life and go, Well, it's probably more depressing now than before. But before you were depressed and now you're not, what do you chalk that up to?

Kennedy Littledike: God.

Eric Huffman: Really?

Kennedy Littledike: Yeah. Genuinely, people ask like, why are you okay now when you weren't before? And I have no answer other than God. I think he gave me the kick in the butt to be like, Okay, I'm giving you a boost of good mental health. And that sounds probably dumb, but I think He blessed me with good mental health, but I had to upkeep it. Like He wasn't going to keep me going and it wasn't going to keep running on Him. So I think now it's running on me.

I've just kept my mental health good by sharing my story on social media and being the inspiration to others, proving to myself and others that I can do things. Because a lot of people don't think I can do things. One thing about my dad that drives me nuts is he knows that if he tells me, "you can't do that," oh, I will do it. Like rock climbing. There was a rock climbing clinic and I was like, "I'm going to go." And he was like, "A one-legged, one-armed girl cannot rock climb." I was so angry. I was like... I got my harness on, I climbed the wall. I was like, "You're wrong." I don't know. And so stuff like that just makes me feel good to prove to myself that I can still do things. It's just going to look a little different and might take a little longer, but that's okay.

Eric Huffman: We're almost at the end of our time, but could you just say a little bit more about what that relationship with God looks like now? I hear you say it's God that's brought you out of the darkness from the past, but what does that relationship actually look like for you?

Kennedy Littledike: I'm probably not the best at upkeeping it as I should be. I don't pray every day like I'm supposed to, but I feel Him a lot more than I ever did, and I feel very connected with Him even. And it's not that I don't like... I guess it's not that I don't sit there and pray on my knees every day. But I talk to Him daily in my thoughts and sometimes out loud. But when I do pray to Him, I go to Him when I'm at my lowest. I will pray for, not even kidding you, 40 minutes of just crying to him about how grateful I am or what I'm struggling with and what I need more help with. And He's never made me feel alone ever since the accident.

Eric Huffman: That's awesome. It's a very personal question, so I appreciate your honesty there. What's your vision now for the future? What do you hope your life looks like 5, 10 years from now?

Kennedy Littledike: I want to be a public speaker where I'm traveling all over the world—that would be so cool—sharing my story, keep doing social media, and obviously married and have kids. Kids are a little scary for me because of my situation now. I'm very intimidated, but it is something that I do want.

Eric Huffman: Is there a young man in your life at this point?

Kennedy Littledike: There is.

Eric Huffman: I knew there was. I just wanted to hear you say it. I've seen your social media. Tell me a little bit about him before we wrap up.

Kennedy Littledike: We've been together for over a year. And he's probably the biggest reason I feel okay with what I physically look like now. Because in the hospital, I used to cry over the fact that I thought no one was ever going to love me because of what I physically looked like. And I truly believed it. It's not even that he just shows me or tells me that he loves the way that I am and he wouldn't change it. It's that he truly acts like it. And he cares for me and will do anything to make my life easier. And we're really happy.

[00:34:58] <music>

Eric Huffman: So how can we possibly make sense of everything that Kennedy has been through? It's hard to imagine anything more depressing than a thriving, athletic young woman with her whole life ahead of her, losing her leg, and facing all the challenges that she's faced and that she continues to face.

Some might interpret Kennedy's story as evidence that God doesn't exist, or that if He does exist, He must not be very good. But Kennedy swears that her trials and her pain have brought her closer to God and that the closer she gets to God, the more sure she is that he is good.

Some very religious people might say that Kennedy must have had it coming, either because of something that she did in a past life or sins that she's committed in this one. Her accident was some sort of divine punishment. But Kennedy said that God has used her accident to heal her depression and to give her a new outlook and a fresh perspective, not to punish her.

Folks who are more agnostic or atheistic might argue that the universe is basically cold and indifferent, so we should expect awful things to happen to people at random, and we shouldn't waste any time trying to find the purpose behind our pain. But the Christian view of pain stands apart because we worship a God who suffers.

The Bible refers to Jesus as a man of sorrows, and in Him we find a God who suffered, like us, and by us, and for us. In Christianity, more clearly than in any other religion or any other worldview, we find a God who feels and heals and redeems our pain.

Though we might never understand why God allowed things like Kennedy's accident to happen, His promise to us is that if we trust Him, He'll work through our pain to wake us up, to heal our wounds, and to live with purpose.

Julie Mirlicourtois: Maybe God is produced by Julie Mirlicourtois and Eric and Geovanna Huffman. Our associate producer and social media manager is Adira Polite, and this episode was edited by Brittany Holland and Justin Mayer. Donald Kilgore is the director of Maybe God's full-length YouTube videos. If you have any questions or comments about this episode, you can engage with us on Instagram, YouTube, or by emailing us at [email protected]. Please help more listeners find Maybe God by rating and reviewing us wherever you listen. Thanks for listening, everyone.